If I’m ever on life support, unplug me.
There is no winning with that gender.
Out of all the possible endings, didn’t see this one coming…
Telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.
All tea bags should come like this.
The trick is to not let people know how really weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.
I don’t go crazy… I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
For anyone who’s ever waited in morning traffic…
Wilfred, please rouse me at 3:00 AM.
When you’re in the shower and you hear loud thumps and you think…
102 Years Old Man Does Ice Bucket Challenge